Ask Philippa
I don’t want to invite my alcoholic dad to my wedding
Trust your gut instinct about not having him there. The shame that is creeping in may be about pressure to conform
how you want to think of him rather than how you really feel about him deep down. There may be the ghost of the kid in you thinking, “If only I could get it right.”
We want to be “good” and get things “right” for the friends and family we do care about, because we want to be accepted, we want to belong and we want to be loved. You may not be being pressured into inviting him, but you may have been pressured about the meal, the ceremony and the flowers – so this wedding may be becoming something that has to be “right”, and then who to invite becomes part of this rightness.
Trust your instincts and stay true to yourself and do not invite him. Inviting unreformed alcoholics to weddings is often a terrible idea no matter how closely related to the bride or groom they are, and neither do you want anyone there to whom you feel (mostly) indifferent. Yes, people may comment on his absence; it’s no reflection on you if they do. It’s absolutely OK not to follow every cultural norm of the wedding ritual.
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